December 12, 2016 | Personal Notes.
Is it a struggle to find things in your life that you are proud of?
Sometimes it looks as though you’re not just worth it! You have a lot of friends but then no friends at all, your job is everything but nothing, fear of being alone makes you stay in that hurtful relationship. Loneliness tries to creep in, your soul is longing for a need to be met and you device a means to fill it up but then you sink back in empty! Whew!
It’s a total waste you say, it can only bring an immediate feeling of satisfaction and self worth but when it’s over you’re back to square one and many times it get worse than before. You’re sacred of what you don’t know exactly, you can’t just point it but you know there’s something hiding in there that you just don’t wanna let out, something you don’t want other people to know exists.
You want it to look all perfect and planned, make up on fleek, pepper dem gang, perfect dude that every lady should want etc, so you act all strong and powerful. No doubt it’s good to pose strong and capable but when your strength can no longer carry you, when the pretence can no longer stand the test of time, when the intense hunger needs to be fed with real food, when the taste buds gets tired of the usual and wants something better, something satisfying….. What do you do?
On this journey I learn: The hard way; when I get stubborn. The easy way; when I let go. The not-so-easy way; when I’m contemplating and indecisive. In all I’ve realized that abilities and strength will disappoint along the line. There would come a time when there’s zero zeal for continuity, quiting only seems convenient and right, shouting at the world seems fair and crying till you’ve emptied your storage; feels appropriate. That point brings you to self pity, you begin to wallow in the “victim corner” and then depression gradually takes an unannounced entrance into your soul leaving you desperate for what you want but can’t find. You actually know where to find it but you’re weak from trying, to stretch out your hands and reach for that which is everlasting and pure that would put an end to every longing forever. You’re sacred, actually you’re not even sure it’s real and you’re not willing to try, you’re not just up for it! And we can go on and on till it ends……
There would always be that emptiness or space that’s needs an infilling until we get to the right source for filling, we’ll always be empty. Nothing can truly be satisfying without the original purpose.
Has this ever been your voice? “I said, ‘I have labored to no purpose; I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing'”(Isaiah 49:4).
What may be missing is your reference point. When your measuring stick is yourself, your wealth, your ego, your prestige, or your comfort and pleasure, you may indeed feel as though your strength was spent in vain.
When God is at our core, when He is our central reference point, everything changes. He empowers us daily, gives us insight on how to go about every situation and strengthens us. His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.
As the first half draws near, try to take a review, and no matter how it has been take solace in the one that knows it all….